Dear fellow thirtysomething mum,
I see you in the supermarket, I see you at the playground. I see you at the school drop-off, I see you on the train and in the kid-friendly restaurants. Sometimes you see me too, and we exchange a little smile, an eye-roll, an “I get it” moment. More often you don’t see me – you are chasing your toddler down the aisles, watching your pre-schooler like a hawk as she climbs higher than you’d like, admonishing your kid for pinching her brother, reaching for a wet wipe, mopping up a spilled drink.
A few days ago I was at our public swimming pool, and if ever there was a stark metaphor for life as a mum in her 30s, the public swimming pool has to be it. There we all are – the stereotypes we swore we never would be – wading knee-deep in the kiddies’ pool, eyes locked on our littles – and genuinely delighted by their antics. Although we may be there in pairs or groups, our conversations are piecemeal, we cannot relax. Our focus is entirely on our children. We are tired. We are distracted. Our tankini-clad bodies are battle-scarred and utterly not what they used to be.
Up on the hill are the shiny twentysomethings. They are flipping through magazines, chatting to their friends, Facebooking and selfie-snapping on their iPhones. They are rested. They are toned. They are magnificently oblivious to what is coming their way in the future. They don’t even see us. Or if they do, they swear they will never be us.
It’s okay. We were there once, and we know better than to be offended.
You see, the truth is, we thirtysomethings have let ourselves go. No. We have let our SELVES go. We have small children and for the next little while, our SELVES will not come first. We will be sleeping (or not) according to the timetables of our toddlers and/or newborns and/or a combination of the above. Our hair will not be washed as often as we’d like. Sit-ups? What sit-ups? We will be wiping noses and bottoms and messes from the walls. We will be cooking what feels like continuously from breakfast to supper time and not leaving the table until at least a forkful of peas have been eaten. We will spend hours a week kneeling by the side of the bath and then reading “just one more” bedtime story until we pass out on the edge of the toddler bed. We will be fluent in the language of Paw Patrol, Sofia the First, Peppa Peg and Doc McStuffins, and will use said characters shamelessly as threats, bribes, or as digital babysitters so we can dash upstairs to grab a shower. We will find ourselves negotiating with terrorists even though we swore we never would. We will answer to “Uppy” and “More” and “I don’t want to”, and we will say “What’s the magic word?” more times a day than we ever imagined possible. This is thirtysomething. It’s not easy – and that’s the truth.
But there is another truth. Up there on the hill, nestled subtly amongst the twentysomethings, are the fortysomethings. They too are rested. They too are toned. They are alone, quietly reading a book. They see us, and they are sympathetic but also a bit smug. They’ve been there and done it and they know it doesn’t last forever. Girls, fortysomething is the holy grail. Fortysomething is coming.
The decade we get our SELVES back.
Not that I want to wish away the time. Although thirtysomething so far is a bit of a blur, it’s also a kind of magic. Never again will I feel a squidgy cheek rest on my chest in the middle of the night. Little arms reaching up to me after a fall. The delicious baby smell and the little pairs of skinny jeans and sparkly trainers. The scooter rides and monkey bars and the bed time stories with a small person in the crook of each arm. Hearing “I want Mummy,” and “Please can you help me?” and “I want to huggle you.”
Yes, fortysomething is coming, and it’s going to be bliss. But don’t let it come too fast. If I’m to lose my self for a decade, motherhood sure is a delicious thing to lose it to.
Love, Catherine
Let’s be friends! You can find me on Instagram and Twitter.
If you enjoyed this article you may also enjoy The Fatigue is Real or The Things We Forget to Tell You.
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412 Comments
makingtimeforme
5th Jul 2016 - 10:07 pmOh I love this. May I share it?
littlesloveandsunshine
6th Jul 2016 - 7:26 amThank you. Yes you are welcome to.
Hayley
7th Jul 2016 - 7:20 amWonderful piece of writing, thank you. I was a thirty-something with 3 littlies, and now find myself a forty-something with another! Looking forward (though enjoying ‘surprise’ no. 4 immensely) to fifty-something!!
Emma
7th Jul 2016 - 9:07 amMade me all warm inside and tear up! Bloody hormones xx
Charmaine
7th Jul 2016 - 8:09 pmOh my God, I am 32 and I love your post. It’s made me cry and its also made me remind myself that they are small only once. I hatE the thought of my children growing older. I love them to bit and I need to remind myself that the cleaning and the day to day things don’t always have to come first.
Just want to thank you for sharing your lovely thoughts. Xxxxxxx
donnalack
7th Jul 2016 - 2:38 pmMy dear, exhausted 30-somethings: 50-something Grandma is always happy to provide you respite!
Rossie
7th Jul 2016 - 6:01 pmLove this, but there is a pot at the end of this rainbow….when you are 50, 60 or 70 or even older, grandchildren will bring you back to taste that precious time in your life, and you will get to have their little heads rest on you again, not as often, and you won’t be mommy, but Grammy, and it’s almost as good. 🙂 🙂
Claire
6th Jul 2016 - 9:00 amSo true. All of it xxx
littlesloveandsunshine
6th Jul 2016 - 9:26 pmxxx
Claudia
6th Jul 2016 - 8:32 pmI have this as a forty-something mum, having just had my 2nd baby finally at 42 xxx
littlesloveandsunshine
6th Jul 2016 - 9:26 pmCongratulations Claudia – such a special time.
liezl75
7th Jul 2016 - 9:35 amCongrats Claudia! You give me hope – three weeks shy of my 41st birthday and very much trying, hoping, praying for another baby. Had my first one at 37..
Heather
7th Jul 2016 - 5:50 pmMe too , am forty something with a toddler… Far far from smug and reading a magazine (I think I remember them..) with the songs from Frozen eternally going round my mince like brain!
I have the added bonus of people looking at me in supermarkets wondering if I am the mum or the gran..
The joys of being the “older mum”‘!
Karoline
7th Jul 2016 - 6:17 pmThat’s awesome! I’m 36 and have an 8 mos old, so I won’t get my self back til my 50s and that’s perfectly fine by me
Rosa
6th Mar 2019 - 11:02 am43 when I delivered mine. Now 48 with a five year old. Does that mean I get my self back in my 50s or my 60s?!
Junie Poonie
6th Jul 2016 - 9:01 pmAbsolutely lovely… so so true… magical mummy moments… (ps can I care & share this?)
With love, dry snot & a jelly belly wiggle… x
littlesloveandsunshine
6th Jul 2016 - 9:24 pmThank you! Yes you are welcome to share.
Abigail Runganaikulu
7th Jul 2016 - 6:24 amI am fifty and going thru this……shoo – Done this 28 years ago and then my miracle arrived at 44 years…..:)
M.K. Elliott
6th Jul 2016 - 9:19 pmAt thirty-six, with three little-uns, I love this. I would love to share it on facebook, but I’m afraid my forty-something friend, who also has three little-uns, would never speak to me again! 🙂
Natalie
6th Jul 2016 - 11:02 pmI absolutely love this! I am one of those: “never having kids” kind of women who just had her first baby last December, at age 30! I will be honest to say that usually these kind of blog posts don’t appeal to me but something made me stop and read this one (probably the instant link to Sex and the city, favourite tv show amongst me & my girls) and i will also be honest to say, i loved it! It made me chuckle and look forward to all that is to come! I can already hear some of the ladies “she says that now…” Lol. Thank you for a wonderfully honest post!
One Messy Mama
6th Jul 2016 - 11:17 pmReblogged this on One Messy Mama and commented:
I saw this post on a friends Facebook page. “Motherhood is a delicious decade to lose yourself to!.
One Messy Mama
6th Jul 2016 - 11:18 pmWhat a lovely, thought provoking post! Definitely a piece that all new mothers should read!
To the Thirtysomething Mums — Littles, love and sunshine - One Messy Mama
6th Jul 2016 - 11:23 pm[…] via To the Thirtysomething Mums — Littles, love and sunshine […]
Prachi
7th Jul 2016 - 3:29 amBEAUTIFUL ♡
Kaitlyn
7th Jul 2016 - 3:47 amLove this, except that I am a twenty something mom, and I felt that the article decidedly excludes me because of my age, same as the forty something moms. The everyday struggles faced by the moms of young children are all the same, whether they’re 25 or 45.
littlesloveandsunshine
7th Jul 2016 - 6:57 amThank you so much for reading Kaitlyn. The term “Thirtysomething” really is a metaphor for where we are in our lives – whether we’re in our 20s, 30s, or 40s, we’re all in the trenches together. You’re so lucky you’re ahead of the game! All the best.
Stephanie
7th Jul 2016 - 8:05 pmI completely agree I had my daughter at 22 and she is now 5. I can relate to this post although it was definitely aimed at 30 something’s which is very stereotypical! 20 something’s are mentioned as flipping through a magazine or taking a selfie.
Jolene
7th Jul 2016 - 6:13 amThis has really struck a chord with me! I’ve turned forty this month and my son has turned thirteen! I’ve still got a 10 year old who is still cuddly and thankfully not in a hurry to grow up! But although it is nice to have a full nights sleep and a little free time, believe me I would give all that up to go back to the start! X
jo
7th Jul 2016 - 7:07 amThen you get to 50 something & if you’re really lucky you get the gift of grandchildren. More huggles, little arms stretching up for cuddles, reading “just one more story” chasing peas round a plate, careful negotiating & all the time in the world to enjoy it all ❤
littlesloveandsunshine
7th Jul 2016 - 7:26 amThank you so much for the lovely comments. To the Twentysomething and Fortysomething mums out there – I used the term “Thirtysomething” as a metaphor for where we are in our lives, no matter what our age really (and because I’m thirtysomething!). We’re all in it together and we’re all willing time to speed up while at the same time wishing it would slow down! As tough as it can be, it’s also heartbreakingly fleeting. Thanks for reading! xxx
Becky
7th Jul 2016 - 9:33 pmI understand what you’re saying–really–but it just seems a tad been offensive to assume that thirtysomethings is the standard/norm for motherhood. It’s just not. In the US, the average age of first time mothers is 25.
I guess I just wanted to speak up and say that twentysomethings are often the mothers down in the trenches, working hard with babies & toddlers and running on little sleep.
Lizzie
7th Jul 2016 - 7:35 amYou are so caught up in your littles and motherhood you miss the thirty somethings without children who long to be in your place. No surprise far to self absorbed to give a crap
lamaisonamor
7th Jul 2016 - 7:38 amAs a ‘twentysomething’ I found this incredibly offensive.
I have two littles & my life couldn’t be further from the ‘sitting flipping through magazines & taking selfies’, in fact, I don’t know anybody in their 20’s that have that luxury as they are working full time unless they have children.
I chose to have children young, as a lot of people do considering the average age to have kids is 25 in the US. Therefore maybe I should write about how you are too old to have children?
It’s a horrible generalisation to say that people in their 20’s are young free & single, that only people in their 30’s should have children, then to say that 40 year olds should only have teenagers & be ‘over the hill’.
As a blogger you should know better than to stereotype.
littlesloveandsunshine
7th Jul 2016 - 1:07 pmThank you for your comment. I’m really sad you found my little post offensive. I am in my thirties and was really just using the term “thirtysomething” as a metaphor for where we are in our lives rather than as an actual stereotype (although I have to say most days I feel like a walking, talking stereotype!). I know brilliant mums in their twenties and one of the best mums I know had her first baby at 45! It’s wonderful that you’ve got started with your family in your twenties, you are so lucky – all the more time to enjoy your family.
I would only ask that if you find the musings of a working-from-home mum in her 30s dull or offensive, perhaps you’d rather avoid my blog. Wishing you all the best.
Debbie
7th Jul 2016 - 8:11 amWell all the somethings prepare you for 50something! And the sheer joy of grandchildrensomethings and yourmid20somethings still give you hugs and kisses!
???? xx
lusimashua
7th Jul 2016 - 8:21 amaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!! beautiful. I needed this.
Sidonia Henry
7th Jul 2016 - 8:24 amI don’t usually read these mommy links but I did this…..
I cant relate because I was one of those twentysomething, thirtysomething person who longed for all those things you mention Moms experience….and now I watch
Fifty and sixty something enjoy those experiences with there grandies….
So my point just enjoy every moment with these little ones. …they are blessings from God…..
Fuzzy Panda Barista
7th Jul 2016 - 8:55 amLovely post. I’ve been there. My daughter is there now. I am part of the sixty-something’s and remembering with nostalgia the thirty-something years. The good news is that memories of the sleepness nights, cramming sicked up on bedding into the washing machine and, in those days, washing and sterilizing poo nappies, have all faded and the best memories have remained. Hang in there.
Lee
7th Jul 2016 - 9:45 amDont forget the dads. After all, there are many of us out there doing the exact same thing, but without the obvious signs of birth, but we do get stressed and sometimes more so due to the fact we don’t have the ease of talking to other mums, because for whatever reason, a lot of mums seem to find it hard talking to dads or dads talking to mums. And I’m in my forties now, with late thirties being when I looked after our children without that support of other mums and dads while my partner worked. But I do like what you wrote as it made me smile
Marie
7th Jul 2016 - 10:04 amI was blessed with my child in my 20’s and in my 40’s have been blessed with a grandchild. Love that I can still play! And Yes! I smile when I see you with your Little’s and I’m rooting for you! Remember to breathe and enjoy the ride! ❤
Chris
7th Jul 2016 - 10:30 amAs a forty-something, I don’t think the smug looks from the forty-somethings means what you think. Forty-somethings may be more able to grab a shower and relax by the pool, but the driving lessons, friendship dramas, battles over homework and chores and jobs and curfews,…the demands of teenage children are just as consuming of self. I truly believe that if you want a piece of yourself back, you need to carve it out somehow, no matter what the stage you are going through. A happy mom is a better mom…don’t wait for the next decade to find her. We are all worth too much to put off our own fulfillment. I’m not saying to sacrifice those beautiful moments with your kids, but rather to be mindful to also take care of yourself. You deserve that too.
littlesloveandsunshine
7th Jul 2016 - 1:11 pmThank you Chris – you are so, so right!! There will be loads more mothering to do after this brief period of our littles being “littles” is over. Thanks for your insights and encouragement.
Mel
7th Jul 2016 - 10:31 amLove this! I am actually a twentysomething, twenty-four to be precise, with an almost 4 year old and an almost 2 year old. I hope to squeeze in (or out rather) two more kids before I’m thirty. Hopefully I can reach the holy grail of fortysomething before I’m actually in my forties. 😛
Joanna Bamber
7th Jul 2016 - 11:44 amAbsolutely love this!
So very true!
Nik
7th Jul 2016 - 12:40 pmProbably a few more forty-something mummies out there than you realise. But then, 40 is the new 30 right? ☺️
Julie Brandt
7th Jul 2016 - 3:37 pmI really enjoyed your post! I remember those days so well! I went through those days in my teens, twenties and thirties. Now in my fifties I try to enjoy the sweet time with my grand babies as much as I can.
daislikethese
7th Jul 2016 - 12:47 pmThis is such a lovely post, and so true. At the same time as not wanting to wish their childhood away, I do actually look forward to the days when I have enough time and energy to work off all the biscuits that inevitably get consumed! I had two kids in my 20s and now a third in my 30s so I kind of feel like I’ve been in the haze for a while now. Bring on the days of being rested and toned!!
Eileen
7th Jul 2016 - 1:27 pmlovely blog but 30 something mums don’t get too optimistic because by 49 I had 3 grandkids and by 60 there were 10 lovely wee ones five boys 5 girls .Life is still busy house a mess bums still needing changed noses wiped.What a joy and when they all leave what bliss !
Cate Duffy
7th Jul 2016 - 1:41 pmlove it, I was that thirty-something,and even the forty-something, and I am now the glorious fifty- something, looking back on my previous selves ,celebrating that I lasted ,slightly battle scarred ,wiser, and revelling in enjoying the “littles” yet again, as a grandparent watching them discover, and me re-discover the life , laughter and most of all joy in the most simple of things
Sunita
7th Jul 2016 - 1:57 pmThis is so true ! So beautifully written. Im actually welling up!! Thank you for sharing !
Karen
7th Jul 2016 - 2:35 pmThis is so true, HOWEVER….. I am that 40 something and I have 2 beautiful daughters 11 and 16…. I work full time and I DEFINITELY don’t have time for myself!! So whilst I can honestly say the bit about 20s and 30s is so true, I’m afraid I have to disagree with the 40 something…. I’m not toned and I’m definitely not smug!!! When either my husband or I are not taking the youngest swimming (she swims every day) we’re taking the eldest dancing/singing/friends etc…. If we’re not doing that we are working!!! There is still no time to get toned I’m afraid!! Don’t get me wrong…. I wouldn’t change it for the world, but every once in a while it would be nice not to have to think about someone else!!! Xx
DJM
7th Jul 2016 - 2:52 pmlol…nicely written. but of course at forty-something, your reclaimed “selves” will no longer be dealing with cute little babies but instead surly, hormonal teenagers…so good luck with that!
Kristen
7th Jul 2016 - 3:09 pmAs a 25 year old mother of 3, I’m not offended at all. I loved this. It’s applicable at whatever age. Most everyone I work with either hasn’t had children yet or is past having children. So this is how I see it too. And the constant vigilance is so true, my kids are 4,2, and 1 and you really can’t take your eyes off of them for a second.
Stephanie
7th Jul 2016 - 3:12 pmSuch a good read! Guess I’m a bit ahead of the curve, had my first less than 3 weeks ago at 23. Haha. So excited watching him grow and worrying over him, dreading going back to work in 4 weeks. :/ love this post so much, thank you for the encouraging words! I always wanted to be a mom and I love the last phrase, this is defiantly the best reason to lose your self, it teaches you do much! This little guy has rewritten my views on love and life in just a few short weeks. It’s amazing how they change everything! <3 <3
helmetmomma
7th Jul 2016 - 3:14 pmAmazing!!!! Thank you!
ainsobriety
7th Jul 2016 - 3:25 pmI am now the 40 something mom.
My advice is don’t let this happen. Don’t lose yourself to your children. It is very hard to find yourself again.
Continue to celebrate you. Take time for self care. Allow the dad to have time alone with the children.
Losing ones identity as a woman and a person to being a mom is extremely painful. One day you may wake up and realize you feel irrelevant and unappreciated. It’s hard to find your way out of that.
So – remember you are a vital person on your own, regardless of your children. This is important, because some day they will grow older and need you less.
Keep making time for yourself. Your family will appreciate it.
Anne
momtaxijulie
7th Jul 2016 - 3:34 pmThe 40 somethings are really just drunk from drinking their wine out of their water bottles because they have teenagers and young adults.
momtaxijulie
7th Jul 2016 - 3:34 pmThe 40 somethings are really just drunk from drinking their wine out of their water bottles because they have teenagers and young adults.
Adria
7th Jul 2016 - 3:34 pmWould have been more appropriately titled ‘The Mommy Years’. I started with this at 23, add one at 27, another at 30 and another at 31. If you have multiple children the ‘decade’ can last more then a decade in total and can be anywhere from 20’s-40’s. The mommy years are all the same no matter the age. The point should be that there are a few 10-20 years of mommy hood but that after that there WILL be a time to come back to yourself. Also I want to put out that motherhood is different depending on how many kids you have. Whether you are in your 20’s or 40’s if you only have 1-2 kids it is a MUCH different type of motherhood then if you have 3+ children. When I had only 2 kids my house was clean and I had time to work out. Now a home school mom of 4 I have NO time for anything LOL not even trips to the pool!
To the Thirtysomething Mums | The Working Mom Chronicles
7th Jul 2016 - 3:40 pm[…] Beautiful piece by Littles Love and Sunshine. […]
Sarah
7th Jul 2016 - 3:41 pmReally lovely post, this is EXACTLY what being thirtysomething is like! 🙂
The Culinary Jumble
7th Jul 2016 - 3:49 pmI had my first baby at 37, my second at 40, so I hear you! I always think that if I’d had kids in my 20’s, I wouldn’t have been very good at it! I think you need to find yourself before being able to take care of a baby (not that I am saying that younger mums aren’t just as good, or as capable).
Becky
7th Jul 2016 - 4:15 pmGreat Article! All the people getting offended are ridiculous. Being offended is the new thing to do! I personally have “lost” 2 decades to my kids and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I understood the metaphor. Keep at it mamas. Soak up every second. It goes by so fast!
mb3295
7th Jul 2016 - 4:21 pmIf I could prolong fourtysomething I would. I cherish every single minute with my littles that are aging entirely too fast. Once fourtysomething comes they will have an independence that will leave me with only memories. That need to be with mama every second if everyday will have passed and they will need to be alone or with friends or whatever and I will be left pool side with my book looking at the thirtysomething moms with a heavy yet happy heart. Knowing they are having the best and most amazingly fullfilling time of their life. A time when they are superior to any other being. They are supermoms. To those little beings that engulp evey ounce of energy, life, and moment of their lives. They will no longer be so needy, no longer so cuddley, and the kisses that they give with love and joy will be a thing of the past as you may get a guick hug on the way out the door and “I love you” will dwindle down to a mere “love you” and only at bedtime when their friends are nowhere near ears distance. Because they have grown and left you with the pain and emptiness of fourtysomething.
So twentysomething you were great and so was my body. We both had lots of tireless fun. But I am glad to turn you in for this strech mark tattered, sagging areas that were once perky, cellulite ridden, spider viened mom body.
And to you…Fourtysomething slow down because I am in no rush to meet you. I’m sure we will have a great time but for now, there’s no rush.
Because right now at this very moment I couldn’t be more happy and in love with every single tiring, sleepless, nose wiping, storybook telling, super chef, helecopter mama, laundry doing, butt wiping, second thirtysomething is giving me each and everyday. ♡♡♡♡
Thanks for the great read.
littlesloveandsunshine
7th Jul 2016 - 4:52 pmThis just made me a bit tearful! All so totally true. Thank you.
Kiley
7th Jul 2016 - 4:38 pmHoping you have the privilege and joy of parenting littles and bigs well into your 40’s . . . as one who started having children at 32 and had my last at 42 — it only gets busier as they get bigger. The days of watching a few in the baby pool were the easy ones — and you never know what future will bring. It’s got to be the going not the getting there that’s good!
lovelillies&lace
7th Jul 2016 - 4:39 pmAbsolutely love this!!!! I found myself smiling and nodding to every word. Gosh! I am only thirty and missed my twenties on the hill, instead my teens were spent on the hill and my twenties and now also thirties knee deep in the water… it is bliss and I wouldn’t change a thing, but sure look forward to fourtysomething lol.
Kim
7th Jul 2016 - 4:45 pmOh this is so good ???? Loved it!
Jeff
7th Jul 2016 - 4:46 pmLets not forget the stay at home dads, which this is absolutely relative to. Also, lets not forget that there is something incredibly attractive about the mother of your children caring for your babies that makes them shinier than the shiniest of hills. This article was great. Helps to make it all worth while. Thank you.
Samantha Corbin
7th Jul 2016 - 4:48 pmI found this to be beautifully written. Thank you. I cried and laughed all in one read.
Gina Hough
7th Jul 2016 - 4:49 pmGirls,enjoy it all! Don’t sweat the small stuff because in the blink of an eye you have skipped to your sixties, it all goes by so fast!..now you have a tidy home, time to spoil yourself, adult food in the fridge and don’t need babysitters! What you miss so much is holding those tiny hands, the cuteness and innocence of children and loads of their friends in and out of your house. It’s all worthwhile when they have grown up to be amazing young adults that you have helped guide through life!its all so special and such a privilege to be a parent!!
Kate's Treasures
7th Jul 2016 - 4:49 pmWhat a lovely read it was! I am a thirtysomething with a 5, 7 and 11 year old and I dread the 40ish as my little boy will be 10ish by then and all the ‘mummy I love you 100 million %’ and I want to kiss/hug/sleep with you will be gone… The time flies too fast for me!
Momma of 5
7th Jul 2016 - 5:54 pmWhat a great reminder of the seasons of life and to embrace the treasure each one is. I’m 42 with five from 3 years to 13. What an exhausting time! What a blessing to watch them grow!
Sophie
7th Jul 2016 - 5:56 pmLovely. Except that some of us are 40 somethings with very young kids! Try that for size. 50 something is not something I ever thought would be a holy grail.
kimca01
7th Jul 2016 - 6:34 pmI’m a 42 year old mom of an 8 and 10 year old and I have to say – I’m looooving the 40’s and having older kids. I do miss them being little but I’m head over heels with their independence, having real conversations with them, a full nights sleep and if I’m really honest, getting a part of me back again. Loved the piece – although I’m still not what I would considered toned haha Maybe I’m saving that for my 50’s 🙂
catherine
7th Jul 2016 - 6:49 pmI so needed to read this this evening, thank you!
Fiona_belle
7th Jul 2016 - 7:09 pmHmmm it’s not like that if you’ve been going through years of infertility, miscarriage and heartbreak; facing the prospect that you’ll never be a mother. Those 20 somethings might not have it all ahead of them if they find they can’t conceive. I’m nearly 40 and in theory, would be one of those rested people you talk about but the grief of infertility, miscarriages and gruelling ivf treatments doesn’t make me feel that way – just broken and a social outcast!
Klo
7th Jul 2016 - 7:18 pmHi. I’m a thirtysomething mum. I have 2 kids. One only 11months old. I watch my kids like hawks. I get up for the middle of the night feedings. I stress over the organic diet. I can’t remember the last time I sat down to eat a meal. I Work full time. Yes I’m tired, however..
I’m stubborn. I’m a runner. I’m a bicyclist. I’m toned. I wear a bikini. I refused to let myself become a stereotype. I haven’t lost my self because I refuse to. While kids are important, your self is important. Kids don’t run our lives, we do. We are the parents. We make the rules.
lahdilah
7th Jul 2016 - 7:20 pmLovely read and can completely relate to the bit about being a thirtysomething, even though I’m only a twentysomething with a 6 (almost 7) year old and a just turned 1 year old….. I’m not sure why other twentysomething mums are offended by it?
Estelle
7th Jul 2016 - 7:49 pm❤
Jenny
7th Jul 2016 - 7:49 pmI am that fortysomething mum.. definitely not toned and definitely still wondering who I am in this big wide world BUT it does get better … the whining, the snotty noses, the falling into bed at 8pm exhausted .. until one day your little one is a teenager and THAT is a whole new mental ball game.
Those bad days of tantrums turn into days of praying your teenage daughter has safe sex when the time is right, praying you can let go of your teenage son because he is your little boy, praying you can find the strength to get through all the fights, arguments and the times you just feel like you’ve completely lost control of your child and the fact that you ARE going to lose control once they are out in the world on their own.
So the one thing I have always told myself is ” THIS TOO SHALL PASS”.. and it does. Every Phase we go through as parents is just as important as the next phase., will not tell you that it is .. just try to cherish the moments you have with your child , when you are not dealing with tantrums, sassiness, screaming and exploding diarrhea !!!
Whether they are 3,13,16 .. The feelings of despair and loneliness you feel some days is valid no matter what stage of parenting you are at. Remember .. THIS TOO SHALL PASS !!!!
Rod Comeaux
7th Jul 2016 - 8:01 pmHi, ladies, I saw this on Facebook and decided to read it. I am a fifty something dad enjoying the silent sounds of an empty nest. You lovely article brought a nostalgic tear to my eyes. Even though I tried to help my wife as much a I could, I still had the luxury of being able to hide in my work. My wife, did not. I had never understood the devotion a woman gives to raising her children until I watched my wife. Her devotion inspired me to do everything I could to jump in and help raise our children for her sake. Thirty something moms, You have the toughest job on earth!
From Pennies to Pounds
7th Jul 2016 - 8:04 pmThis is lovely 🙂 I enjoyed reading it so much! I think I am a mixture of them all, lol
april donovan
7th Jul 2016 - 8:38 pmI really enjoyed this!!! I turn 30 soon!! I am pregnant with my first boy and i have 2 daughters!! I too will be the 30 something Mother 🙂
Rina Chauhan
7th Jul 2016 - 8:11 pmI really enjoyed reading this article. It’s funny how life leads you to different areas of the swimming pool…
Clare
7th Jul 2016 - 8:15 pmHaha!!! I’m a ‘fortysomething’ who had her first child at 40 and second at 42!!! I’m an even more knackered version of the ‘fortysomething’ 🙂 definitely not more rested and toned hahahahahaha!!!!!
Zoe
7th Jul 2016 - 8:51 pmHa ha yes me too. Fifty something is coming, but not for ages yet ???????????? xx
savy42
8th Jul 2016 - 12:52 amI’m having my third at 42…..I feel you. LOL!!
Melissa keat
8th Jul 2016 - 2:21 amI too had a child at 42 and another at 43..love it..but well rested I am not .????
M
8th Jul 2016 - 2:35 amHaha!! I hear you. I’m in the same boat as you ????
alan cribb
7th Jul 2016 - 8:19 pmBut over the hill, far away from the toned 40’s and invisible to the 20’s are the 50’s. We miss all the things the 30’s are dealing with, we are itching to get involved again but we can’t unless we are invited to, I miss reading stories, I miss making monkey noises and being silly. I miss holding hands and being the one, but most of all I miss the look. The look you only get when a child is young and you are their whole world because all too soon they grow up and then.. then… Well, you will find out..
Peg
7th Jul 2016 - 10:23 pmPerfectly said!!!
Cayla
8th Jul 2016 - 1:01 amOh, my heart.
Your “50 something” response brought tears to my eyes as I have a “50 something” mom who has watched her entire life change after losing my father, unexpectedly.
It’s hard to imagine I am less than 20 years from that.
Lynn
8th Jul 2016 - 2:07 amYour comment just about made me cry. I am in my early thirties with a 3 and 6 yr old and I already miss my babies being babies. I already feel life is passing too fast. It’s scary for I want to enjoy and savor every moment. And after reading your comment, I will try to savor each moment that much more.
Sonrk
8th Jul 2016 - 2:09 amBeautiful
Kate Wheldal
7th Jul 2016 - 8:43 pmHow divine! From a thirty five year old mum to a mini goddess. I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed!! The oblivious 20 somethings to the holy grail 40’s, I’m thankful for and loving my perfect 30’s!!! Great read.
Amy
7th Jul 2016 - 8:59 pmI love this, I had my first child in my late teens so I never really had the carefree stage I see so many of my friends enjoying. But that was the choice I made and I wouldn’t change it for the world. My time is coming <3
Deborah A Kral
8th Jul 2016 - 1:25 amGood for you…stop worrying about what others are thinking. ..stop trying to explain. ..if you’re happy, thats what counts.. .if not, change cuz You want to….no one else’s opinion counts…I’m 60yrs…these are my thoughts. …
Claire
7th Jul 2016 - 9:20 pmEnjoy as much of it as you can. Especially if you are separated from the children’s father. Often you have neither your SELF or your children. Of course the converse is also true. It depends what kind of day you’re having.
Lara
7th Jul 2016 - 9:21 pmThis is so true, even more so for me because this is my local pool too and those 20 somethings with nothing to do but lie in the sun all day looking amazing have made me realise just how many sit-ups I should have been doing!! #summerinswitz
Julie
7th Jul 2016 - 9:26 pmLol as a 48 yoa mother to a two year old I am not smug, toned or any of those other things. Maybe in my early 40s when I was sure I was done…
Becky
7th Jul 2016 - 9:28 pmI like the sentiment of your piece, but it seems to imply that all mothers become so in their 30s. Plenty of women become mothers in their 20s!
50mom
7th Jul 2016 - 9:40 pmActually, it’s the 50-something’s that are reclaiming SELF. The 40s are still busy getting you off to college and working to pay for it… And we raised those 20-something’s. Maybe we should’ve taught them more respect and empathy. ????
grammytotheboys
8th Jul 2016 - 1:57 amSo true,,,,we missed empathy.
Suziwong
7th Jul 2016 - 9:44 pmThis forty something read your blog and actually wished a return to those days you speak of, so, if you can muster the energy, stop for a second and relish the “now” for it will never be again ☺
Cindy grant
7th Jul 2016 - 9:46 pmI was a thirty something with an 18 year old daughter thinking fourty something would be my time to find my self again. However now I am running around after 2 little ones after starting again! No regrets having kids is so rewarding, exhausting but the best years of your life.
BonjourAdventure Tammy
7th Jul 2016 - 9:47 pmAwe! This is a precious article. Hoping to start my motherhood journey in the not-too-distant future, this gives me a wonderful perspective on the decades ahead. Thank you for sharing this!
Rainyday
7th Jul 2016 - 9:51 pmAt 44 with boys aged 17 and 3, I am not toned, or on the hill. Maybe at 50 something…
aleblogs4u
7th Jul 2016 - 9:51 pmReblogged this on Mirrors do not lie and commented:
Very nice read… kind words and I can totally relate ♡
Susan Mann (@susankmann)
7th Jul 2016 - 9:51 pmI can totally relate to this. You got it spot on. x
ninjaess
7th Jul 2016 - 9:53 pmHave you thought that some of those twenty somethings have seen you and have thought they’ll never be like you and that that thought cuts deeper and hurts more than anything else in the world? While you look at them smugly judging them for prioritising themselves and their iPhones?
Erika-Mari
7th Jul 2016 - 9:57 pmThat was beautiful! I shed a tear and raised my hand in triumph at the same time! Thanks for writing!!
Be Present ❤️ – Fitness Fashion Mom
7th Jul 2016 - 9:59 pm[…] To the Thirtysomething Mums […]
Nicole
7th Jul 2016 - 10:09 pmThis was SUCH a beautiful, reassuring read. Made me kiss my Little Man’s squidgy cheek there and then! Love the last line… you are absolutely right!
Kristina
7th Jul 2016 - 10:10 pmLove this! I turned 40 this year. My boys are 17 and 15. I feel panicked as I know my years are running out of having them home. I LOVED having little ones and spending my time at the beach, library, and parks! I wish I could go back in time so badly. I know it is exhausting, but there is nothing like it. I am enjoying more time with my hubby now that the kids have their own busy social lives, and our marriage has benefited from more time just the 2 of us. Every stage of life has wonderful things to appreciate. Enjoy each day ladies!
A
7th Jul 2016 - 10:10 pmI had my first baby at 40, then another. Stop stereotyping, dont lose yourself – enjoy the moment whatever age you happen to be….
Tina
7th Jul 2016 - 10:12 pmI’m the fifty something mum. Had my first and only child at 45. She’s just 11 and I’ve never been so tired or weary in all my life but also never been so happy and content. Only wish I’d had her earlier in life so that g could do all the things I used to do but with her. Instead of aching from my hysterectomy, tired and weary from being a single mum with no support, having to be everything to myself and my daughter instead of being able to share the chores and the joys. But . . I have her all to myself and our relationship is so very special. It’s a short window in your life to give everything you can to our precious little ones, you are instilling and inspiring everything that will make them who they are so don’t be wishing your life away. Enjoy what you have at every stage. How lucky we are to have them in our lives.
Jen
7th Jul 2016 - 10:16 pmThis is … me. I am filled with warmth, reassurance and pride that I am doing something (motherhood) right. I totally relate to this. X
Emma
7th Jul 2016 - 10:29 pmIs it not same for us 20 something who are mums. We go through the sake things as any other mother
Hayley
7th Jul 2016 - 10:33 pmLove this! My husband and I often look to that decade as a reward for this one, but you’re so right…thirty something has some pretty spectacular rewards of its own X X
Lorna Jones
7th Jul 2016 - 10:39 pmAs a forty something with 2 young chilldren I can totally relate to this, but with perhaps a little less energy! Im looking forward to my fifties, but loving where I am now
clair riley
7th Jul 2016 - 10:41 pmHa ha ha im 40 something omg you all all have a wakeup call coming lmao
Ken
7th Jul 2016 - 10:45 pmI’m a dad and do all that to, good article. But there are dad’s that do this
Sissy
7th Jul 2016 - 10:48 pmWell just when you think you’ve reached that age of ” finding yourself” , your aging parents will need!!!
It’s the circle of life!
I love children and believe we can learn a lot from them . But I chose NOT to have them and I’ve been just fine!
Be content in whatever circumstances you find yourself! Things are always changing!
J
7th Jul 2016 - 10:48 pmHonestly one of the most ignorant things I have ever read and I’m not even a mother myself.
Ang
8th Jul 2016 - 8:42 amWhich is why you think this article is ignorant, because you are not a mother.
Mamma
7th Jul 2016 - 10:49 pma mom shared this article in a facebook group in Toronto and I love it. What a cool perspective.
Charmingly.ie
7th Jul 2016 - 10:50 pmGreat blog post! I chuckled….. in hopeful anticipation! Roll on the 40’s!
C
B Harding
7th Jul 2016 - 11:02 pmIf only! I’m a 40 something, I have a hideous teenager & an obnoxious 21yr old plus a hormonal 11yr old daughter! I’m neither toned or relaxed! I long for the days when my children loved me & having children were fun. Enjoy while they are little it’s going to be s roller coaster! X
Alana
7th Jul 2016 - 11:11 pmThis made my night. What a wonderful, eloquent, and accurate post.
VWSigety
7th Jul 2016 - 11:12 pmDear Fortysomething Moms,
Then comes Fiftysomething, and you lose your SELVES again taking care of those you love…
But all -somethings are special in their own way, don’t wish any of them away or change a thing! ❤️
kathy
7th Jul 2016 - 11:27 pmLove this article…late 50’s, had 3 kids in my 30’s and have been through all the stages and rough patches…physically, the littles are exhausting, then the emotions of teenage years, worrying about young drivers out on the road for the first time, first loves, first heartbreaks, college tuition payments you think will never end…..but it does! They get jobs, apartments, we meet for a glass of wine, a shopping trip….waiting for weddings and grandchildren now!! Every age, every stage, enjoy it all and to quote one of my favorite songs….Don’t Blink!!
Jenny
7th Jul 2016 - 11:29 pmI am that fortysomething mum.. definitely not toned and definitely still wondering who I am in this big wide world BUT it does get better … the whining, the snotty noses, the falling into bed at 8pm exhausted .. until one day your little one is a teenager and THAT is a whole new mental ball game. Those bad days of tantrums turn into days of praying your teenage daughter has safe sex when the time is right, praying you can let go of your teenage son because he is your little boy, praying you can find the strength to get through all the fights, arguments and the times you just feel like you’ve completely lost control of your child and the fact that you ARE going to lose control once they are out in the world on their own. So the one thing I have always told myself is ” THIS TOO SHALL PASS”.. and it does. Every Phase we go through as parents is just as important as the next phase., will not tell you that it is .. just try to cherish the moments you have with your child , when you are not dealing with tantrums, sassiness, screaming and exploding diarrhea !!! Whether they are 3,13,16 .. The feelings of despair and loneliness you feel some days is valid no matter what stage of parenting you are at. Remember .. THIS TOO SHALL PASS !!!!
Peggy
8th Jul 2016 - 3:10 amI am a 20 something mom and a 50 something grandma as my 13 year old calls me just recently, I really enjoyed reading this article makes you proud to be a mom . I don’t think any of us ever cherish being a mother as we should it goes by so fast in a blink of an eye ,kids are grown , you don’t feel like a mom anymore, no body in the bathroom with you ,you get to eat while the foods still warm, and go to bed and sleep when ever you want then here comes the grandkids back to square one but you enjoy it so much more ,fingerprints all over everything , can’t walk for all the toys but you don’t care anymore , cause you know how fast this goes by so you savor every second
Angela
8th Jul 2016 - 9:02 amI love the “this to shall pass”..i have said it quite often..just 3 moths ago i was saying it everyday when my 6 week old would cry for hours due to reflux and allergies to my milk..the rocking, consoling, endless circles around the house till 3 am after a night of work and no sleep..it always passes. This phrase has gotten me through so many sleepless nights and 3 children that im on this beatiful ride of motherhood with..”this too shall pass” love it
MrsSure
7th Jul 2016 - 11:30 pmBit ageist! Not all of us fit into your middle class ideals of having children in our mid 30s. Shock horror I was 22 and 23 when I had mine. I’ll just get back to my council estate where people don’t read mummy blogs shall I?
Erika
7th Jul 2016 - 11:38 pmLove love this blog!! Speaks from the eyes of a 30somethbg,which is me. I get the eye glares though bc I rock a 20soemthbg body tight and toned. I don’t wish for my kids to grow up, it saddens me. Yes tired, worn down and I wish they would sleep but I 2 don’t want to miss the cuddles , smells and them needing mommy or daddy. Awe. 30s ROCK!
kittytudhope
8th Jul 2016 - 12:16 amA beautiful outlook on how motherhood feels and is. It is hard to think that this time, where yourself comes last, will never end, but how truly grateful you will be for having that time when it has finally passed. The mixed emotions of parenthood. I still have 7 years till I am toned and rested once again 🙂
Caryl Wright
8th Jul 2016 - 12:29 amI have to agree with the 50 something mom. We late 40s/early 50s moms are stuck in the realm of 20 somethings finishing college and university and finding work and our 80 something parents needing help and still working full time jobs. I long for the days of sitting on the hill tanning….
mylifeasacasestudy
8th Jul 2016 - 12:55 amReblogged this on My Life As A Case Study.
Amy
8th Jul 2016 - 12:56 amSo good..brought tears x
MommaBear
8th Jul 2016 - 12:57 amI’m a 33 year old mother of 3 kids; newborn to age 4! I refuse to lose myself, whether it’s getting hubby on board or hiring babysitters, I take time for myself :). I am a better mom and enjoy my kids more when I keep myself taken care of.
Kara
8th Jul 2016 - 1:03 am60 something is fast approaching and I still have a teenager at home, and although they don’t need the same level of maintenance as a young child there is still plenty for a parnt to do!
I. AM. 40 | Not So Simple Life
8th Jul 2016 - 1:09 am[…] To the Thirtysomething Mums […]
Kylie Palmer
8th Jul 2016 - 1:12 amI’m now in my 40s and yes it is truly bliss! It is a hard slog in your 30s and you are constantly on call to your children. Don’t despair it goes in a blink of an eye and you can finally have a ‘sleep-in’ or sit down and read a novel without being interrupted every two minutes. I look back to my 30s and wonder how I managed a full time job , two children, housework and managed to stay sane (my husband may disagree with this statement). Enjoy your children – I’m taking some time out before the grandchildren arrive and it all starts again.
Mary
8th Jul 2016 - 1:12 amAnd then there comes the 60’s and you want a do over, but it’s too late. You enjoy your grandchildren so much because you know once they are grown, you will miss it terribly. I spend as much time with all of my grandchildren as possible, I don’t want to miss a second of their little lives.
{Raising Little People} To the Thirtysomething Mums | the central nest
8th Jul 2016 - 1:13 am[…] To the Thirtysomething Mums […]
Debbie
8th Jul 2016 - 1:18 amThis is beautifully put. It’s like you took the words/feelings/thoughts out of my own head! Thirtysomething is really just a short chapter in our lives and one day we’ll miss those little hands hugging our necks and I wouldn’t trade it for twentysomething now that I’m here! Cheers to you, cheers to us thirtysomethings!
May I please share/re-post this?
littlesloveandsunshine
8th Jul 2016 - 5:27 amThank you. Yes you are welcome to.
Hil D (@Raisingfairies)
8th Jul 2016 - 1:23 amBAWLING!! Thanks for this. Absolutely beautiful. I am in the midst of this, no sleep EVER, I cleaned up puke, poop, pee, all starting at 5 am and lasting until bed. I love it, but look forward to sleeping again and having fun with adults and myself sans kids eventually!
Momma
8th Jul 2016 - 1:32 amThis blog entry would be a lot more inclusive if it included moms of all ages. I’m 42 and have a 3 yo.
Michele
8th Jul 2016 - 1:36 amDear sweet 30 somethings… Just a word of encouragement from the 40s…. It does get easier – and fun! But there are good things and bad things about every stage. We aren’t toned or relaxed yet – we have teenagers! At 40 you realize weight loss is next to impossible and you dread sitting in the lawn chair next to those half your age AND those 30 somethings that still look great in their young mom bodies! But oh well… The reason we can sit and read? Prayerfully our teens are active and working this summer, learning some independence and enjoying life….but with that comes the days of missing the talks on the way to the ball field or the fun of teaching them a new song. We watch you with your little ones and realize it all happened so fast! But, if we have done it well and persevered through the hard days, our teens are now a blast to be around and hang out with – and the prospect of one day having them as a friend is exciting!
So my encouragement to you my younger sisters…hang in there! You are beautiful because of what you are doing and who you are raising! This is only a season and it is the most important thing you will ever do – so don’t wish it away! Love every minute of it and when you are tempted to want that hour in the sun by the pool for yourself, remember…you will have plenty of it one day but you can never have this day with your little ones back again! They are soooo worth it! Do the hard stuff now (the discipline, the consistent rules and boundaries, manners, respect for authority) so they won’t remember the hard days and you can enjoy them when they are teens and you are the 40somethings. Love to you all!
Kamilah Foluke
8th Jul 2016 - 1:46 amReblogged this on Afro Puffs, Onesies & Island Kisses.
Portia Taylor
8th Jul 2016 - 1:54 amI never considered my time raising my boys as lost time. I had my first son in ’83, (I was 24) second in ’89 and third in 2000 (I was 41.). It took me 27 years to get all of my boys to and past 10 years of age. But I didn’t take a break when they were 10. They certainly weren’t raised when they were 10. My children are a part of me, a part of my life and I don’t need a break from being a mom. It’s the best part of me and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Jean
8th Jul 2016 - 1:54 amI teared when I was reading your article. It’s so true. When we are at our 20s we swear that these will never happen to us. Now in my 30s and being a mum, I must say I live beautifully cuz of my kid and family. I let myself go and not as toned cuz priority is not me anymore. Wish all 20s, 30s or even 40s mums a good day ahead:)
pargasjunkyard
8th Jul 2016 - 2:08 amSorry but as a fiftysomething mother of five adult children that dream of getting your life back isn’t going to happen! They move close (sometimes back in), expect free babysitting and show up somehow magically when dinner is ready even more now, with spouse and your grandchildren in tow….and how do you say “Not enough food” to those grandkids? I’ve never been able to! No, those toned bodies, perky breasts and tight butts are a thing of the past!
littlesloveandsunshine
8th Jul 2016 - 5:23 amThis sounds wonderful! You know your life is a success when this is what it looks like ☺️. Your comment made me think of Nora Walker in the tv show Brothers and Sisters. Thank you for reading.
Jo
8th Jul 2016 - 12:23 pmHow offensive to all those women who wish they could be like this in their 30s. Or their 40s. Or anytime.
Josie
8th Jul 2016 - 8:47 amThat’s very true, I’m a forthysomething Granny n think I had more time to myself when I was a thirtysomething mother of three lol tho wouldn’t change my wee 2 yearold grandson for the world. He is my world, granny’s boy ????
Vicki
8th Jul 2016 - 11:07 amAnd sometimes some of us fifty somethings we become parents to the seventy or eighty somethings and then the real fun begins ( I am there right now)
Nanci
8th Jul 2016 - 12:24 pmI was just going to say exactly what you said lol. As a 50 something mom of 4 kids my “self” didn’t reappear until I turned 50. As I tell my friends my 30s were for having/raising my kids and my 40s were a continuation probably harder cause there’s more mischief as they get older. You’re dreaming if you think you can let your guard down and begin to be your “self”. It does get better in the sense that you have different fun with your kids. I cherish all my time with them and I have found my “self” again.
Debbie Ann
8th Jul 2016 - 12:35 pmYou summed that up perfectly. As a sixty something i can assure you that the fun never ends…and you don’t want it to either.
India
8th Jul 2016 - 2:11 amAs a 35+ year old single, childless teacher I wonder why you can’t write something affirming without talking badly about others? Every age and state of life comes with positives and negatives. It’s NOT a competition.
Mary-Anne
8th Jul 2016 - 2:16 amI am none of the above. Forty something who would have given anything to be the thirty something knackered but happy mum knee deep in the baby pool. I watch on quietly from a distance and my heart soars for you and breaks for myself all at once for the joy of motherhood that I will never experience. Treasure every moment! Not everyone gets to be you. And I look over at the ones who have grown children and morn for the future I will never have. The Christmases without children and grandchildren, and being the proud grandmother knee deep yet again in the baby pool intently watching her grad child and genuinely delighting in their antics.
Lea
8th Jul 2016 - 6:37 amI’m so glad that I’m not the only one who feels this way, for I, too was never able to have children. I am forty-something and my husband and I have travelled quite a bit. But, despite quite a large number of nieces and nephews, the loneliness of never having been a mother and wondering “who will be there with me in my old age?” always haunts me to my very core. You, the thirty-something mothers are the lucky ones. Treasure every blessed moment of it!
Hccyuvch
8th Jul 2016 - 10:19 amHi Mary-Anne, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It’s definitely not easy. For whatever reason women are not able to have children, it’s more common than we realise. Thanks for speaking for the countless women who are feeling the same xox
Dana
8th Jul 2016 - 2:49 amThere are the fifty & sixty somethings that are full time child care providers that take care of our beautiful grandchildren. We’re here raising another generation and helping our grown children. We’re tired and definitely NOT toned, but we’re built for cuddles. We’re also loving & cherishing EVERY minute, because we know those precious moments with these adorable little humans will rush by too quickly. We’re lucky to be a special part of their little lives. So for you thirty & forth somethings, if you’re blessed, you too will get to experience again, those smooshie kisses, snuggles at nap times, and those four special words…I love you Grammie.
Cathy
8th Jul 2016 - 12:00 pmI have a daughter Named Dana who has given us the world by being the mommy of our 3 grandkids. Our daily thoughts and prayers are with her and those amazing grandkids. Grampy and I crave the I love yous and can tell everyone the great reward of parenting is grandparenting! It makes us take care of our Selves so we can live long enough to leave a great legacy of memories for them to cherish after we’re gone! Smooshie kisses!
Kay
8th Jul 2016 - 2:56 amI LOVE being a 30 something mom!!! I am glad I waited and enjoyed those 20’s. While occasionally I get a flicker of longing for those carefree days, I wouldn’t trade the feeling of joy I have now for anything in the world. I relish this time with my daughter!!!
thelifeofmyrtle
8th Jul 2016 - 3:00 amand then there are the 30-somethings who don’t have children because they can’t, so be thankful and don’t complain 🙂
Gemma
8th Jul 2016 - 3:06 amWhat a lovely article. Thank you!
Aubrey Charles
8th Jul 2016 - 3:35 amWell i will be just about 50 when that 40-something time hits lol
Kathy
8th Jul 2016 - 3:52 amGreat read and so true, but don’t forget the 60’s! Ha! Then you are blessed with wonderful grandchildren! Could be starting all over if they are living with you, but either way you will never know the love and joy they bring you until you are a GRANDPARENT! Such a different and precious time in your life. Nothing better!
Kaylee
8th Jul 2016 - 4:06 amThis is beautiful and just what I needed. Thank you!
Chantel
8th Jul 2016 - 4:07 amI too am a thirty something mom of 3.hectic most times but wouldn’t change it for the world.great article and very relevant in my life.
karen
8th Jul 2016 - 4:07 amWell, my thirty something daughter sent me this post and I turned a fifty something mom this year. I laughed and noded reading your post. You see I have been a sixteen something mom and a twenty something mom and then a forty something mom. The one truth I have learned is time slipes away during the crying, diaper changing, the colds and flus, shots, the firsts of everything, the boy bands, and video games. The house is clean , books are on the coffee table are being read not just to dust. But something else slips in drivers ed., boys or girls coming to take my babies away. Silence takes the place of mommy hug me. So enjoy no matter what something you are for all too soon you will be whatever something. Alone. P. S. Grand babies are even better.
melindapedersen
8th Jul 2016 - 4:19 amEven though I am a twenty-something mom, I can still totally relate to this. Sometimes life stage matters less than real age. I’m definetely looking forward to my 30-somethings though where I’ll get more time for me again.
Taking Time to Sit – This Is Me
8th Jul 2016 - 4:31 am[…] in no way do I mean it’s a bad one. It’s a big one, but not a bad one. I read a blog post today about the adjustment of motherhood and one of the last lines really resonated with me, […]
sarah ann
8th Jul 2016 - 4:35 amBeautiful post. Thank you.
Tess Exmundo
8th Jul 2016 - 4:50 amThanks for sharing this wonderful article which I truly enjoyed reading and while in it, memories of my twenty, thirty, forty and fifty somethings flashed back. I just turned sixty and my adult 2 children (a girl and a boy) always make me feel ageless when they challenge me emotionally(arguments galore), mentally(consistently critics) and physically(tugging, chasing and tickling). It’s a never ending process of parenting, and everything is a choice. Choice to be happy, choice to embrace the flaws, and choice to wear the mask of – – -ty-somethings stages. ..
Cara
8th Jul 2016 - 5:01 amNice read. I became a mom at 15, I never had the carefree luxury, but I would not change a thing! My 1st born will be 24 yrs. old in a few weeks. My 2nd is a year & a half. I’m 39 & I enjoy every moment! Guiding a free spirit is a honor!
Jess
8th Jul 2016 - 8:58 am🙂 wish you and your family the best Cara
The Friday Edit | Style Your Senses
8th Jul 2016 - 5:08 am[…] these articles get me every time! I certainly don’t ever believe that you should lose your sense of SELF […]
Kevin
8th Jul 2016 - 5:19 amI am the husband of a thirty-something hot-mama and this article made me cry with tears of Joy – for her and all mothers – and possibly for myself in sadness in that it’s easy for us Dad’s to default childcare to mom and that means we get even less of baby’s cheeks on ours, less “please help mommy/daddy” and so this was a beautiful article, a poem and lesson to all of us mom’s and dad’s that we need to slow down and enjoy the moments at the same time that we are so busy in parenthood. If we don’t slow down everyday to enjoy the beautiful moments with our little ones, we miss the joy that they naturally exude for us.
Pamela Cesare
8th Jul 2016 - 5:49 amHow about to the twenty something moms!!! ???? That’s me ???????????? I have a 2 and 4 year old that always keep me on my feet and I still sleep 4-5 hours a night!!! ????????????
Lizzie Loughlin
8th Jul 2016 - 6:02 amLovely post. Just one thing, I think it’s been covered in the above comments also. I am a forty something and it doesn’t change, I,ve never been so tired!!! Always been a working mother, the demands change along with the cost involved and you find yourself arguing with 6foot 5″ 17yr olds ! We always think the grass is greener, it’s lush where we are, we just don’t really know it. . And even if I’d Didnt have kids, I still wouldn’t have that taut rested look about me. Am off for a snooze… ????
Helena
8th Jul 2016 - 6:02 amI am a thirty and I would do anything to trade places and have a little one to run around after. Please be grateful for what you have and do not wish for your fourties. You are extremely lucky.
Lily's Nana
8th Jul 2016 - 6:09 amI am a sixty something woman. I was a twenty something mama to two beautiful babes. I was a thirty something mama to terrible twos and threenagers. A forty something mama to teenagers, and a fifty something mama to young adults. Now, as a sixty something nanny to my children’s babes, I look back and rejoice in how rich my life has been. Messy moments, happy moments, moments where I felt I had lost my self and my mind(not necessarily in that order). I look at my children and grandchildren, and realize time is passing by too quickly. Hang on to your moments as a thirty something mama. Retrospectively, best time of our lives.
Lisa
8th Jul 2016 - 6:54 amTotally sums it up….. I love this….. very inspirational x x
Passion Fruit
8th Jul 2016 - 6:56 amI had all three of my kids in my twenties, in the hope that I would be regaining a bit of my sanity in my thirties. Then my middle child was diagnosed with Autism, and at times the stress has been unbearable. I’m now reaching my mid thirties, and I essentially have a toddler in the body of a 6 year old. I’ve learned that no matter how much careful planning you do in life, you just have no idea what’s around the corner. More importantly perhaps, you just don’t know what challenges people are dealing with daily so never be too quick to judge. But no doubt these experiences make us stronger!
littlesloveandsunshine
8th Jul 2016 - 8:50 amThank you for your comment and for reading. You are so right, we just don’t know what life is going to throw at us. We’re all just doing the best we can and supporting each other along the way. Wishing you all the best.
JD
8th Jul 2016 - 7:37 amI may be the only one signing on in this boat, but I am a fifty something (OK, I’ll come clean – 51 🙂 Momma to a brood of kids ranging from 18 months to almost 17! I was a thirty something Momma to two bio kids, a forty something Momma to two internationally adopted kiddos, and now a fifty something Momma to both an 18 month old (adopted thru the foster care system) and a 6 months old (currently fostering & hoping to adopt). I love being a Mom, know how quickly those kids grow up, and am thankful for the opportunity to stretch out this season of life far beyond what is “typical”. I look forward to the day I will be enjoying, at the same time, the middle years of Momma-hood & the beginning of GrandMomma-hood. I wouldn’t trade this ride for a tight bum or perky boobs EVER… Nope.. not me..
littlesloveandsunshine
8th Jul 2016 - 8:47 amWow – how amazing! You are clearly an angel mama. Thank you for your comment JD.
Kat
8th Jul 2016 - 2:33 pmWow, you sound amazing, mom to so many kids! I’m with you — I can relate to everything in this article except the age. I’m a 45-year-old mom of a 4 and 6-year-old. At the park the moms of all ages — it’s the stage your kids are at, not your age that matters.
designforpeoplecom
8th Jul 2016 - 8:14 amSounds like the green eyed monster. What about all the equally exhausted twentysomethings? Don’t label people and force them into brackets, we’re all here and struggling with things. Just be kind to all.
Angela
8th Jul 2016 - 8:52 amPerfectly said..as a thirty something mother of three this is a refreshing article …not negative, but hits on the hard parts of mother too..just because we are mothers that cherish and love our children does not mean we are immune to some complaining and venting..i understand not everyone is blessed with the gift to be able to have children, but that dosent mean we cant let out our gripes sometimes, it truly helps me appreciate the beautiful parts of motherhood more..it is impossible to cherish every moment in the fog of school, sports, activities, baths, cooking, cleaning ect ect..what is important is you take a step back sometimes and cherish what u have, but we are human mothers not stepfords over here..so if u have to complain a bit to a fellow mother who understands, by all means..whatever works right?!?!
Aimee
8th Jul 2016 - 8:52 amI read your sweet words with tears in my eyes. My ‘babies’ are 14 and 11. All I can say is those 40 something moms of the older babies, are probably sitting in their sun tanning chair with tears under those sunglasses watching you with your lil ones wishing they could turn back time. Chaotic as it may be, you will sooooo miss it!
Leann sweeney
8th Jul 2016 - 8:55 amMy first born came into my life at 18 and my 2nd at 28 so I have been a mama in my late teens 20’s and now 30’s . the 10 years between my boys have gone by so fast. I’m also a nurse and work long hours so every moment is precious. Motherhood is a challenge at any age but my husband and i wouldn’t change a single thing. Well except maybe lift my boobs back up to were they rightfully belong cuz somehow they went south for the winter and never came home!!!!!!!!
Josie Loveland
8th Jul 2016 - 8:58 amI became a mum in my teens, then again in my twenties, and then my thirties. My first baby is almost ready to fly the nest and at 35, I’m nowhere near ready for this stage of my life to end. My body is the most beautiful it’s ever been; I’ve grown three humans. We don’t have to wait for our children to grow up to discover who we are now, in fact, I don’t think we should. Yes, we are tired and covered in snot but it’s more important than ever that we find space for ourselves; so that we can care for our families properly ????
Lynz
8th Jul 2016 - 9:44 amwhat a lovely article .I’m a 3 something mum and I’m glad I enjoyed my 20’s cause now I can focus on chasing my little one around .40 sounds good but I will be sure to enjoy my 30’s as well
Taylor Hearts Travel
8th Jul 2016 - 10:06 amI’m in my 30s and have an eight-month old son. Everyone says it goes quickly, but it really, really does. Such precious moments have already been and gone, but lots more to come. <3
Catharine
8th Jul 2016 - 10:15 amDear Catherine,
Fortysomething is not the Holy Grail.
Fortysomething is the taxidrivinglunchpackingworryabouttheirnewfriendOMGtheyarelatewherearethey phase. You don’t get yourself back. Your kids are learning to become themselves and all of a sudden -you’re fifty.
Now you start to get yourself back, but never entirely. You don’t sleep, you learn to worry with your eyes shut.
I speak from experience times four, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
But forget about getting yourself back-that person is gone, and the one in her place, stretch marked, flabby and not concerned about hair breakage from wearing a ponytail again- that’s the one your kids love.
Sincerely,
Catharine
Kate
8th Jul 2016 - 10:51 amThe average age for a new first time mom, where I live, is close to 40.
Lisa
8th Jul 2016 - 11:08 amI had my first son at age 18. I married the day after I turned 18. Two years and within 2 weeks of my firstborn, I gave birth to a glorious baby girl, who weighed in at 9lbs 14 oz! Yes–she was a natural vaginal birth before it was cool to go back to natural childbirth. Two years later, came my last child and 2nd son at a whopping 10 lbs on the nose! And, yes, also natural, vaginal birth. By age 22, I was a HS graduate with 3 children and an aspiring manager-to-be of a large retail pharmacy–which at that time was a family owned company–sadly, not by our family:). By the time my youngest was 6 mos old, my husband woke me up (after we had sex), and informed me that he was leaving. I thought the alarm had gone off at the pharmacy, and being the closest member of mgmt, he had been called to respond. But then he proceeded to tell me that he had rented a room from a friend and was moving out. I was devasted! And scared out of my mind. Here I was with 3 babies no real job skills and all alone. After a period of mourning my marriage, I decided to open a home daycare, as it was not my plan to drop my kids off at a sitter each day. I loved having the licensed daycare. It allowed me to make my own money while staying home with my own kids while helping other moms out. We had fun. We went to the park for picnics, went on field trips, played, did arts and crafts , read, etc. about 6 mos after leaving, my husband came back into the home. I informed him that I had signed up for evening classes to start working towards my nursing license. I never wanted to find myself in that helpless situation again. When my youngest started preschool, I went back to school full-time and entered the nursing program. I also got a night job at a hospital as a CNA, to make up the income from closing my daycare. Even though the kids dad lived in the home he wasn’t “engaged”. He did paperwork for hrs ea night, and on weekends spent several hrs at the “gym”. So the kids and I would go on outings to the beach, the public pool, etc. Shortly after I graduated the nursing program, my husband stated he was moving out and wanted a divorce. He said we should just share an attorney to save money, besides, he said- he’d always take care of the kids and myself. As soon as the divorce was final things changed. He started dressing differently, got an appt, introduced my kids to his “friend “Cheri”. At first the visits were every other weekend then he’d skip one here and there. Finally he informed the kids that he and by now his wife Cheri were moving to Las Vegas. His parents paid his rent there for the yr they lived there. The kids visited one time, but my youngest called me 1/2 way through the visit asking to come home. So I made up an appt or something I had forgotten he had to go to and the kids came home early. Once their dad moved back to CA the visits were less and less frequent until one day the kids dad said he wasn’t going to keep seeing them because it was “too stressful” for Cheri. My children are now in their early to mid thirties, and haven’t seen or even talked to their dad in 13 years! I used to feel anger towards him about hurting my children, but now I just feel PITY. He missed out on knowing these incredible human beings. His loss. He got the money, I got the greatest thing that came out of that 15 year marriageMY BEAUTIFUL, LOVING CHILDREN!
Sarah
8th Jul 2016 - 11:31 amThis is cute article and not meant to call anyone out I’m sure, I got married young and when all the 20 somethings were lounging and reading magazines, I was in the wade pool with toddlers. Reading the article made me smile, missing those days and I see the point the author was making, which also makes me smile. I am now a 30 something mom of ver tall teenagers, and my day consist of being taxi driver, short order cook, finder of all lost things, and budget expert on how to feed these massive people that I raised, and work a job. That’s to name a few, but at almost 40, and because mine are older, I can work out sometimes with my teenagers instead of them crawling on me, and I can relax at the pool because they are now expert swimmers or lounging taking their own selfies, which is so very nice. I pulled my toddler time and I wouldn’t trade those days for the world, but I can look at the moms now in the wading pool and give a nod of acknowledgement and a look that says enjoy every moment, you’ll get to relax again soon enough! Good article!
Mona
8th Jul 2016 - 11:39 amI am a forty something first time mom , I am grateful for God for giving me my only son .. I have to say that motherhood is the hardest thing that I ever did in my life and the most rewarding . And definately being a first time mom is never easy especially when you are an older mom who have to go to play dates birthdays swimming pool areas and act as if I am in my twenties ????????
Liz
8th Jul 2016 - 12:00 pmI am a 60 something Mom and Nana. Looking back, 30 something were the BEST years of my life. (Tied with being a Nana now 🙂 40 something were the worst. Among other things, empty nest syndrome damn near killed me. Enjoy every minute of your 30s.
Sally
8th Jul 2016 - 12:23 pmI’m in my forties raising big kids. That means bigger problems and bigger worries. Parenting doesn’t stop when your kids turn a certain number. I am never relaxed because I am trying to make sure my kids are decent human beings. Parenting doesn’t end when you no longer have to fill up a sippy cup. It just becomes a different set of duties.
And why thirties? What about those of us who had kids in their teens, twenties or, like many women , their forties?
Jose
8th Jul 2016 - 12:39 pmYou are missing the point if you’re arguing about 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. Great article, thank you.
gracefulone00Grace
8th Jul 2016 - 12:44 pmI am a fifty something grandma of 7 wonderful grandbabies. Back when I was 16, I gave birth to a son that was adopted to another couple. Back then teens in my area didn’t have a choice in the matter. My Mom signed the papers before I knew anything. About a year after, I was told that I would never have kids for medical reasons. I was crushed and went into a dark time. I started using heavy drugs, becoming an IV drug user. I was at death’s door when God gave me the gift of my daughter. But I had to care for myself in order to have a healthy child. I stopped the moment I found out I was pregnant. God blessed me with two boys after my daughter. I am neither tone or relaxed. Sleep is fleeting. However I wouldn’t change any of it. I am always here for my family and tend to my grandbabies whenever I can. I feel badly for those who desperately want children. To have that love to give to a little one and not know the joy. I also know that there are ones out there that don’t deserve to have children because they want THEIR life alone and it shows in our system but there are not enough homes for them or that some people don’t want to take on a troubled child.
localgoodness
8th Jul 2016 - 12:58 pmSo good & So sweet! I am about to turn 38 and reading this makes me at least appreciate that my 40’s do have something to look forward to! And it reminds me to appreciate, even just for a fleeting moment, the constant “I Need” requests, the spilled milk messes, and the 4am wake up calls. Beautiful writing!
Linda
8th Jul 2016 - 1:11 pmThen there are those of us who have been mothering little ones throughout our twenties, thirties, forties, and now fifties! I had my twins at 21, then my next 4 were born when I was 34, 36, 39, and 43. I just turned 50, and am enjoying every moment with my 6 year old. I also provide fulltime daycare for my 5 month old granddaughter. But I am happy to say that this IS my SELF. Family life is everything I have ever wanted. And my awesome husband shares so completely in the mix of it all that I have always been able to pursue those things my self enjoys indulging in. By the time my youngest is grown, I will be out of anything shiny or perky. But my life is overflowing with everything and everyone I love.
All kinds of awesome woman on this beautiful planet, in all kinds of stages at all kinds of ages.
A
8th Jul 2016 - 1:18 pmYou clearly should not have had kids. This post is disgraceful and ignorant to all the woman out there that want to be a mother but cannot for reasons out of their control. I feel sorry for your child…
Sarah Peterson
8th Jul 2016 - 1:21 pmGreat reminder how wonderful an age 30 is. I wouldn’t go back to the 20’s,, even with the body.
Megan
8th Jul 2016 - 1:24 pmGreat post! Especially on a tough day of parenting a littlie! Whether we be twenties, thirties of forties – the tough seasons will never last forever will they? There is always going to be a more enjoyable season just around the corner. The seasons of life! Though, I’m not sure I will ever be toned again whatever the case! haha
Lost In Motherhood – Domestic Goddess
8th Jul 2016 - 1:30 pm[…] https://littlesloveandsunshine.com/2016/07/05/to-the-thirtysomething-mums/ […]
jessicaheidi
8th Jul 2016 - 1:36 pmMy girlfriends and I (all 31) were at the pool last week with our 5 kiddos. It was wonderful to watch them play and I don’t think we actually spoke to each other. At one point my one friend had to take her toddler to the potty and my other friend had to use the bathroom herself, so I was hanging out watching my 2 toddlers in the baby pool, holding the 9 month old, and playing with the 2 year old. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Natalie Allera Harris
8th Jul 2016 - 1:40 pmSpot on! ❤️????
C
8th Jul 2016 - 1:46 pmI can’t have children but do see how hard it is for my friends, This does not make them ungrateful and the post most certainly is not a disgrace, just read the last sentence! Her children are lucky x
Connie Y.
8th Jul 2016 - 1:59 pmGreat post. Reality is every decade brings new adventures and new challenges that if done right you will still be exhausted and still share that self with someone else. Whether it be your own kids, your grandkids or your parents. We can never go back nor should we want to ,to our previous selves. Tomorrow brings us a new self awareness of what next week or next year has coming. So look back at those younger ones and smile and wish them as much happiness as yesterday brought you and look forward and smile and hope you have as much happiness tomorrow as they are having today..
I enjoyed every moment of my thirties with my kids, im enjoying every moment of my forties with my amazing grandbabies and im already starting to enjoy those special moments with my mom as I approach my fifties…
I live life with no regrets… I have loved and lost deeply but I continue to move forward with open eyes and open heart knowing tomorrow is going to be amazing and those ive lost will be waiting to greet me again.
Debbie
8th Jul 2016 - 2:59 pmI had my family, all three in the 80’s so I thoroughly enjoyed the thirty and forty somethings. Now in my 60 somethings, I miss all the great and not so great times!! I miss the energy I had to keep up with them, the late night homework assignments, and everything about being a mom. Not a grandmother yet, but I hope to experience this during my sixties!!
We, my husband, are so thankful that our children are good people, living on their own, and coming by to visit as often as they can!!
The only thing I would change would be to have had children sooner, but I am in God’s hands, and love it!!!!!
To the Thirtysomething Mums – The Columnist
8th Jul 2016 - 3:05 pm[…] Source: To the Thirtysomething Mums […]
Cindy
8th Jul 2016 - 3:06 pmAt 67 I can tell you that there is always something to look forward to. We recently had a grandchild…she is 1 …I couldn’t wait for the day that she would look for ME in the crowd and stretch her little arms out for me..not necessarily mommy…to pick her up. She does this now…all the time and her mommy smiles when it happens…because she knows how happy it makes me! Thank you Brandi for sharing your baby with me! I love you all so much!
Adriana
8th Jul 2016 - 3:21 pmWell, not all fortysomethings are tonned and enjoying Selftime. I am a 41 yeard old mom of a toddler, with scars in my body that will stay as my metabolism is not working as it was when I was younger, tired of managing work and a house and a toddler and more. The age of motherhood has chaned a lot and I see more and more fortysomethings in this duty.
Patti
8th Jul 2016 - 3:34 pmI agree..I Had my son at 42!
AshleyW
8th Jul 2016 - 4:09 pmGreat response – this article has a very narrow view of the age of motherhood and I don’t understand it. Fortysomething mothers are a fast growing segment of the population and representing that your forties are a rehash of your twenties seems bizarre.
Deb
8th Jul 2016 - 4:35 pmYes! This is what I was thinking exactly as a 40 something mom of a teenager, school ager and preschooler. I’ve just learned to appreciate and find myself in every season because “the grass is always greener” til you get there. ????. 40 something is not the holy grail….. You’ll see when you get there 😉
BRENDA
8th Jul 2016 - 6:05 pmI am an over 40 Mom and I wish I had the energy of the 30 year old Mom’s. Raising Littles is exhausting at any age but rewards are enormous!!! I wouldn’t change my experience at a 22 year old Mom or a 43 year old Mom. My kids are my reason for doing what I do everyday.
Patricia
8th Jul 2016 - 9:58 pmI am turning 40 in less than 2 weeks and my youngest is 9 months so I will know what youre hoing through. I am not toned near as much as I want to be either.
Kris
9th Jul 2016 - 4:25 amI think she meant the average age of mothers raising young ones is thirty-somethings. Actually average to have a baby is still fairly young most countries twenty-something.
The age has gone up since society and science has changed unfortunately our bodies and biology doesn’t change. 35 years old plus is considered high risk pregnancy. I can’t believe that! I waited until 30 and sometimes I think that is to young and thought I could of waited a few years but I was afraid of fertility problems& others things along with being an older age. I never had a reason to worry but hearing all the stories that other woman went through before us really stuck in my head. Congrats for enjoying your 30’s solo. Hope that you are happy & content that you waited.
Patti
8th Jul 2016 - 3:31 pmfunny but forty something looks just like thirty something when you have a child later in life! Only difference is you are a lot more tired, and your body is much harder to get back In shape!! I had two of my children in my twenties and my last at 42 and I wouldn’t change a thing! My life has had many ups and downs and I thank God I had my kids to be a part of my everyday joy????
kim
8th Jul 2016 - 3:31 pmWhat about us 50-80somethings,
Our parents are like children they need us, were pulled between going golfing and watching the grandkids. I was vacation and it happened, we want it all. I feel I’m being pulled in all directions
Aoife
8th Jul 2016 - 3:46 pmIf you lose yourself because of your children you are doing something wrong.
Amy
8th Jul 2016 - 6:42 pmI think you are lucky then, but most definitely rare. Not the norm. Its near impossible to put your kids first at the todler stage & by default, you “lose” yourself, if even temporarily.
Nicole
9th Jul 2016 - 5:39 amWtf
Tamara
8th Jul 2016 - 3:52 pmSome of us fortysomethings are actually in the pool with you. Ditto for some twentysomethings. Motherhood is not experienced at a specific decade or age. It’s simply experienced when you are going through it.
But really, all moms share a wide array of similar experiences regardless of their age.
Gina
8th Jul 2016 - 3:55 pmFun read! As a 50 something just know “once a parent, always a parent.” You will continue to have sleepless nights when your teenagers are not home when you told them to be. You will be in the emergency room with broken arms and stitches needed for your tree climbing kids. You will be stressed for dates and proms and weddings, but also overjoyed. Then of course, grandparenting starts and you get to enjoy it all over again. My advice, as a fiftysomething, don’t wish your 30s away because when you’re 50 you look back to that time and would give anything to have just one day back with your littles.❤️
Liz Melville
8th Jul 2016 - 4:00 pmYou’re a little out of touch with current day 40 somethings. With more and more women having kids later in life, it can actually be a tough place to be. We’re even more exhausted when we run after our toddlers or teenagers. And feel very out of the crowd of 30 somethings. Far from toned and smug, we’re actually looking at 30 somethings and feeling wistful about the days when it was so much easier to keep the weight off. And oh how lovely it would be to sit and read a book in peace.
Evie Jaye
8th Jul 2016 - 4:04 pmWhat a totally brilliant post. Actually made me a little emotional and brought back such wonderful memories of being a 30 something mummy with 3 little boys. I am now 48 and have 3 big boys instead, 20, 17 and 13, so have been there and worn that T shirt, so to speak.
Enjoy every minute, it goes so quickly but as others have said, each stage brings its own joys, its own problems……Once a mum always a mum.
chinkels
8th Jul 2016 - 4:05 pmSounds like hell. No thanks. Glad I decided not to have kids!
AshleyW
8th Jul 2016 - 4:05 pmJust pointing out this incredibly narrow view of the ‘age of motherhood’ excludes the fastest growing segment of new mothers – the fortysomethings. Women are choosing to have it all, career and kids and they are choosing to not derail their careers early in the process by having children. They are wise, they are wonderful and they are MOMS. Stop trying to draw age distinctions around motherhood, it’s ridiculous, inaccurate and divisive. In fact this entire article seems to be focused on dividing women rather than building us into a strong sisterhood. See you thirtysomethings, you no longer have anything in common with the twentysomethings and you’re not yet ‘lucky’ enough to be a forthsomething whose life you also do not share. Divide, divide, divide.
Not all Moms fit into the tidy little box you created, you might want to think about that before you spout off vast generalizations that apply to a very small minority of women.
Anna
8th Jul 2016 - 8:18 pmYou must not have read the headline which states “To the 30-something Mom. So if you are a 40 year old Mom with a baby or toddler, great for you, but this article wasn’t meant for you. This article is very relevant to a MAJORITY of new moms. It doesn’t have to be relevant for every situation. People relax and find something more important to complain about. Sheesh.
aliciaeparry
10th Jul 2016 - 1:38 pmMaybe you should relax because if Respomding to something that offends and pains some women is incorrect by your standards, then you are a very misunderstanding human being.
Michelle
8th Jul 2016 - 4:27 pmBrought a tear to my eye, I can totally relate. Thank you x
@magicwritermom
8th Jul 2016 - 4:52 pmReblogged this on Dynamically Balanced Parenting and commented:
Dear Lord, this is so true. Except for me, it’s the 50’s that will help be regain my “Self”. I waited until my mid 30’s to have a family, so it’s taking me a bit longer to reach that milestone. But I can finally begin to see it. Love this wonderful post from another awesome mom blogger!
Cool Ass Links
8th Jul 2016 - 5:01 pm[…] Such a refreshing perspective on motherhood as one approaches forty. A breath of fresh air. I’m excited! […]
Tanya
8th Jul 2016 - 5:52 pmSome of us fortysomethings are still watching Littles and not sleeping because of restless young ones, cooking continuously, kneeling by the tub (though my husband usually does that), reading the same story over and over. It’s not easy. And there are lots of fortysomethings who don’t get why I can’t have a complete conversation because I’m still in the middle of watching my children and counting heads and making sure they’re safe. But the truth is that THIS is the Holy Grail. This knowing that those moments are fleeting and I don’t wish them to end (something I will admit I did too often in my 20s and even sometimes in my 30s). This is the most important work I’ve ever done. It can be exhausting, but it is also incredibly rewarding. And for those moms who are looking forward to no longer being a mommy of young children in their 40s, I will tell you, as one who has parented young children in every single decade since my teens, this one is the sweetest.
Mama of 7, youngest born when I was 41.
Betty
10th Jul 2016 - 1:36 amThis. Love that you’re able to see the meaning and sentiment of the blog, not just be offended that the age of the blogger isn’t *your* age. I keep seeing blog posts, and if the blogger mentions her age there is a string of other moms who never fail to respond how upset they are that the blog was limited to an age.
No, it wasn’t. Yes, this one blatantly is titled with an age group, but the message is how you put it, that motherhood is exhausting, yet rewarding, no matter your age.
Thank you.
Nichole McGhie
8th Jul 2016 - 6:04 pmExcellent! Great post and a reminder that it doesn’t last forever.
Andrea
8th Jul 2016 - 6:09 pmI had my first child in my twenties ,my second in my thirties and my third recently in my forties and btw forties is my favourite time for being a mum as I have far more patience than in my earlier mothering and I have 2 gorgeous big girls to help out…Whilst in my twenties it was physically easier being pregnant…forties is where it’s at ????
Elizabeth
8th Jul 2016 - 6:17 pmMy opinion is better look to the 50-something as the holy grail. 40-something mommy a are as busy as 30-something moments – but in a different way
Karen
8th Jul 2016 - 6:18 pmAs a forty-something with an 8 year old I can assure you not all forty-somethings are up on the hill and well-rested, and I don’t mind not being there. 🙂 I had my daughter at 38, and love every minute of it!
Tish
8th Jul 2016 - 6:27 pmWell now, this is an interesting personal essay; however, I think the author will be in for a big surprise when she hits her “holy grail” of forty. I’m 52 and still mothering my children who are 24 and 21. Of course, they are beautiful well rounded adults now, but they still need me. I’m no longer wiping dirty bottoms, but my job isn’t over. I still worry about the decisions they make, dole out advice when asked, help them move from residences to apartments to houses, send care packages to university, wipe away tears, plan weddings, babysit their various critters when they are going away, drop everything when a crisis occurs and the list goes on. As well, I have a new “child” to mother. My own mother, who is 80 now needs my help with almost everything. As women, we are the automatic caregivers to our families.
To me, motherhood hasn’t replaced my sense of “self”, but rather helped to define it. I am a mother and proud of it. It is the greatest part of my life because I want it to be.
rosemary roe
8th Jul 2016 - 6:35 pmAs a 31 year old, childless professional woman working in an economically depressed region of the US, when I read this fodder all I can think of is how privileged this blogger must be to have nothing all day to worry about except writing this crap.
Blair
9th Jul 2016 - 3:07 amI am a mom of 3. I agree with you entirely!!
What a shallow, stupid blog.
laurenbesich
9th Jul 2016 - 6:03 amWriting is therapeutic, and a way to explore and discover ourselves; a way to memorialize the thoughts and feelings that course through us at different moments. As a 31-year old working professional, I hope you wouldn’t jump to such unbecoming assumptions of another person you’ve never met or couldn’t sympathize with. Just because her experience is different than yours doesn’t make it any less valid.
ninjaess
9th Jul 2016 - 8:49 amIt’s a valid perspective, but as someone sitting by the side of the pool with my iPhone knowing that I’ll probably never be able to have children the post tells me this mother is looking at me thinking I’m shallow and I’ll learn what’s important in time. That’s offensive and wrong. Perhaps the writer need also to learn to consider other people’s feelings a little more rather than assuming and judging.
aliciaeparry
10th Jul 2016 - 1:40 pmWell said!
ME
8th Jul 2016 - 6:42 pmI’m a 40 something at the pool. I’m sympathetic, but never smug. I mostly want to walk over and give those mom’s a break…go read for a bit. I’ll watch the littles. I miss that stage and would love a tiny taste of it again….but they’re strangers and that’s creepy. So, I watch, feel a little sad, for myself and them…
Nyembe
8th Jul 2016 - 6:43 pmI’ll never stop look hot and doing the things i love because of a child / children.. Never!!! I have a 3 year old and people think am actually 25 yet i am 31!!! I refuse to look old, look dirty, look lost. I’ll always look the same way i looked when i was single… If anything i look even hotter lol!! We need to love ourselves first before we can love others truly and we need to discover that which makes us happy. It is for this reason that my son has to be in bed by 8pm latest!!! After 8 it’s me me time.. Wine time, relaxing time. I have no family in capetown can’t afford babysitters but somehow i manage. I look forward to turning 40 because my 40th is when i will get to smoke weed in Jamaica hahahaha #AmSerious let’s embrace age doesn’t matter how old you are.. Life is short… Let us be grateful that we even managed to reach 30 something. Cheers to womanhood…
Pamela Marie
8th Jul 2016 - 7:17 pmWho is this writer kidding? I am the sixtysomithing mom/grandmom and still don’t have my SELF back. Yes folks, the babyboomers are the true sandwich generation. Still working, still helping out our kids and grandkids, and in some cases caring for those elderly parents who are still alive (in their 80-90s). Besides, this generation’s parents (the thirtysomething moms) are the ones who hover over every aspect of their kids lives and will continue to do so through college. No – get a clue all you moms. Once you are privileged to have the title Mom – your SELF never really comes back. You will always SELFlessly take care of, worry about, help and support your kids (and grandkids). It’s the nature of motherhood. So don’t kid yourself. Those fortysomething’s might not be carefully watching toddlers, but they are likely worried about and watching their teenagers so they are not getting too involved with the opposite sex, or the wrong crowd, or worse. And as the kids get bigger, so do the problems and worries. So be happy, enjoy your thirtysomething motherhood, it will go by in a flash and you will wish for those days back. Enjoy every aspect of motherhood and its “stages”. Live it to the fullest. I know I have!
Nesting and re-energizing
8th Jul 2016 - 7:18 pm[…] also finally catching up on blog reading and came across this beautiful letter that I have to share again! It’s from the Littles, Love and Sunshine […]
Debb Bishop on Facebook
8th Jul 2016 - 7:21 pmI am at 56, grown children, two dogs and a handsome, sexy hubby. I have loved all phases of my life and I remember it well. Just wanted to let you younger ladies know to just appreciate it at each moment !! I am working from home for a real (no Hoax) company !! I love it!! I have made so many new friends and at this point in my life I am extremely glad that I am not commuting back and forth to jobs, or cleaning butts in the hospitals or driving a delivery truck. This older lady (me) is very glad to have a work from home job!! It gave me the freedom and the pay that I needed. I wish the same to all of you who are still looking for the right job !! Jorjee@outlook.com 423-765-3405
Rhoda
8th Jul 2016 - 7:40 pmIs this a new thing with thirty something mothers-calling children “littles”?
Debb Bishop on Facebook
8th Jul 2016 - 7:44 pmI am hearing “Kiddos” a lot now.
Rachel
8th Jul 2016 - 8:10 pmHang on a minute, what about the fortysomething Mum’s of toddlers and babies? We’re not all Mums to teenagers. Circumstance/ problems means that we can’t all have children in our twenties and thirties. You think it’s hard being a thirtysomething Mum, try it in your forties. It’s exhausting.
Janet Gay Bryan
8th Jul 2016 - 8:12 pmWe adopted our children when I was 37 and 40. So most of the time I have been in my 40’s and 50’s while raising my children. I spent a lot of my 30’s trying to have children. Now as I turned 60 I have a 23 year old daughter and a 20 year old son. People don’t fit their families into neat little decades. Every family is different as is every person. It could be that some of the people she thinks are in their 30’s are actually in their 20’s and 40’s. I’m fine with my family as is. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Thabile
8th Jul 2016 - 9:37 pmI’m a 31 single mother of 2 beautiful girls 9 and 5yrs. Lost their dad 4yrs ago to a bike accident. Since I have to play the role of mother and father to my daughters, it’s not an easy job, the only break I have is when they are at school and even so I still have those constant dance, ballet, sports, play dates, birthday parties, cake bakes, fundraising, camp reminders. Mind you I’m at work as well this 8 hours dealing with other parents kids, I come home after those hours after rushing to meet the bus and pick up the kids than there is homework, supper to be cooked, uniform to be prepared for the next day, by bedtime I’m exhausted, than they are days where one of the kids will be down with flue or a temperature and I’m awake half the night playing nurse, and my day starts again at 5am next day. Every moment is worth it and I would not trade it for anything being a parent is the best gift ever!!!
Kelly
8th Jul 2016 - 9:59 pmA lot of you are right this article is VERY short sighted. Being a mom has nothing to do with age or whether you are fit or not. Or if you have worries or not. Poorly written.
Michele Ballard
9th Jul 2016 - 12:31 amNice thought, but I’m in my forties and my youngest is three. I guess my fifties are coming…but there will not be times in my fifties, I’m sure. Lol
CarolAnne
9th Jul 2016 - 12:44 amSome of us 40 somethings were right there in the sleepless trenches. I had my last baby at 40. It’s only now as a 50 something, that I see a chance of sitting by on the hill with my book only glancing up every other second for a “mom watch this”. And yep, it’s wonderful!
Alli
9th Jul 2016 - 1:19 amWhat about the twenty-somethings with children? Or the forty-somethings with young children? This article is complete drivel. Your narrow-minded view of the age of motherhood is laughable.
Jen Niles
9th Jul 2016 - 1:36 amI liked your article. I had my baby at 43 so I guess the Holy Grail is the fiftysomethings (i.e. where I am now). I totally get what you’re saying! 🙂
RH
9th Jul 2016 - 3:15 amA lot of people are commenting on the 30 vs 40 vs 50 aspects. Instead of focusing on the numerical portion of the essay, focus instead on the intervals of time discussed. Littles, teenagers, kidless adults, parents of littles, parents of teenagers, parents of kidless adults, etc.
At least then it’s relatable to everyone.
Mama Curtiss
9th Jul 2016 - 3:16 amI understand the widening age of motherhood, so take out the specific ages and note the various life stages of college/post-college, marriage & starting a family, teen parenthood, and the empty nest. This is a beautiful piece that captures the devotion of motherhood. Whether you call it losing ourselves, or finding our greatest purpose, the point is that we are focused on something much greater than ourselves. A wonderful read, thanks for sharing!
mamacurtiss
9th Jul 2016 - 3:18 amI understand the widening age of motherhood, so take out the specific ages and note the various life stages of college/post-college, marriage & starting a family, teen parenthood, and the empty nest. This is a beautiful piece that captures the devotion of motherhood. Whether you call it losing ourselves, or finding our greatest purpose, the point is that we are focused on something much greater than ourselves. A wonderful read, thanks for sharing!
Lisa
9th Jul 2016 - 3:37 amUnfirtunately, there just isnt a holy grail no mater how old after you’ve had children. There is college to be paid for and problems to be solve. Then a marriage happens and then your kids really big problems begin to develop and you worry about them more than you ever have because they have to learn it as they go and we already know it…so it is a balamcing act and it is so hard to keep your mouth shut whem they are making mistakes…so what do you do? Worry! As they begin to have babies they are trying to do it all…work, keep a hous clean, raise the kids and yes, you want to help so you do. Lots of my fifty and sixty something friends have grandkids anywhere from 1 to five days a week. And the other thing that happens is your owm aging parents. You then start helping with their medical care and issues and with each year it becomes more and more serious. So then you have to taking over and become their financial partners so the government doesnt take all of their money for the assisted living move. No one told me and my friends that it truly never ends. There is never a time to just breathe. But it is rewarding and fulfilling to live lifes journey shaping lives and easing our parents to the end of theirs. It is definitely a full circle moment and it is what you make of it. So hold those babies close. They develop into their own person and will challenge you so much. But it will be worth it and you experience much pride and joy along the way. But above all else you will experiemce love…lots and lots of love. And when you realize youve come full circle and reflect back that is what you will see. A life full of hardships, beauty, grace, and love!
AnhThu Tran
9th Jul 2016 - 3:46 amvery nice written piece.
Sally
9th Jul 2016 - 4:20 amAs a 40something “Mom” I’m doing all that you are doing but I’m more tired. I’m loving (almost) every minute of it tho. I never thought I’d be blessed enough to be here. In my 20/30’s I did not sit there saying I’ll never be “that way”. I sat with the other Mom’s thinking I wish I was them. So gently wipe those little noses, read one more story and enjoy all those hugs because there is always a woman sitting by wishing she is you.
Laura
9th Jul 2016 - 5:19 amGood article for some perhaps, but as others have identified far too narrow. What about all those mothers of disabled children whose “focus will always be on their children”. Not just for a short 10 year period as this article suggests as their children may not leave home, ever! Don’t be in a hurry to reach the next stage. Enjoy the now and count your blessings that your little one has the ability to run and splash freely in that pool!
Cat Clark
9th Jul 2016 - 5:35 amEven better than being a Forty-something is being a Fifty- something – we may or may not be rested or toned – but we don’t really care – because what we are is Grandmothers. We get to hug and squeeze and read stories and play again with our Grandkids – and this time it’s more fun than the first time we did it as parents!
30sthLovingmotherof3
9th Jul 2016 - 6:27 amI do not agree with this at all. As a thirtysomething loving mother of three, I am convinced that you do NOT have to give up yourSELF in order to be a good mother, but you CAN have both! You just need a supportive husband, family or friends who love and respect you enough for you to have at least a few minutes out of your week to dedicate to yourSELF and then EVERYONE will be able to benefit from it. That way you can ENJOY and CHERISH your time with your children and do not have to look at it as a time of sacrifice!! I’m happy to be a thirtysomething mother and feel no need to envy those fortysomethings..
To the Thirtysomething Mums – Littles, love and sunshine | spatriciaelizabeth
9th Jul 2016 - 8:20 am[…] https://littlesloveandsunshine.com/2016/07/05/to-the-thirtysomething-mums/ […]
Jennifer
9th Jul 2016 - 8:25 amAs a working (two jobs), single (happily divorced), plus sized, easily sun burned woman who had her first child at 36, having hard time relating to this article or working up a lot of sympathy for it’s heroine. Problems of plenty I have to say. I also have to agree with Ashley.
Gina
9th Jul 2016 - 8:55 amthere is never a age where you aren’t tired! when your kids are a little older and they can go out with there friends driving that’s a whole new loss of sleep or if you are waiting up for them to get home from a night out and they are pass curfew…fear sets in. the minute you decide to have a child your life is changed forever. having someone(you child) to worry about is an amazing feeling though
Harmincas anyukákhoz | Hölgyliget
9th Jul 2016 - 11:01 am[…] littlesloveandsunshine.com ; […]
kanyambujess
10th Jul 2016 - 6:41 pmvery educative. exactly what am going through but very encouraged that forty something is ahead.
Elisa Chaplin
11th Jul 2016 - 5:38 amForty something is great but when I see the babies and toddlers out there I long for my beautiful teenager to be that little and that safe again..To be able to hold her like that one more time..
Vanessa
9th Jul 2016 - 11:45 amI LOVE, love love this! It made me giggle out loud! I’ve shared it with all my “mommy” friends!
Mommy-hood is quite a ride.
Thank you 🙂
Julie
9th Jul 2016 - 12:04 pmLate forty something here just commenting that as a previous 30 something mother described in the post, you don’t necessarily get ‘yourself’ back at forty something, it’s just that the parenting changes with the age of the child. Maybe the smug 40 something at the pool was trying to think of ways to help their teenager navigate social issues, college applications, driving, first jobs, dating, puberty. I know when I see the littles and their parents at the pool, I’m not looking smugly, I’m so happy to see their enjoyment.
Lynda Rene
9th Jul 2016 - 9:31 pmVery true..no smugness here-only the wish that it could have lasted a little longer. Those were the best days of my life and while I loved turning 40, it had nothing to do with freedom from my children.
abrown925
11th Jul 2016 - 12:57 amI’m smug… A little. I’m at the pool, just glancing at my kids every so often now that they can all swim, and entertain, and bathroom themselves.
Of course I have my own set of worries and struggles, but they are not the every minute of every hour of every 24 Hour day…
I’m damn glad to be out of those trenches and am not too self absorbed to realize it.
I am enjoying the relief these days have brought, enough so to reach a hand out to the mamas still there. Take an afternoon with their platoon so they can grocery shop in peace. Show up on a Friday night and tell them it’s date night and they’re not allowed back until at least 10PM
Keep putting one foot in front of the other and be kind to one another.
littlesloveandsunshine
11th Jul 2016 - 5:35 amWhat a lovely comment. Thank you so much from the mamas in the trenches.
Chris
9th Jul 2016 - 12:36 pmI am at the most awkward stage – a forty something mom of littles! I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
em
10th Jul 2016 - 1:10 amI am a forty something mummy of 5 kids aged 23, 18, 9, 8 and 4, we’re going camping next week! soooo EXCITED!! btw i’m also a granny (my 23 yr old son and his wife) i drive a minibus (my private car lol thank goodness :D)
adumas101
10th Jul 2016 - 2:41 amI am right there with ya. 🙂
smileatar
10th Jul 2016 - 3:36 amMe too!
Barefoot Momma
9th Jul 2016 - 1:03 pmLove it!
Kathryn Clear
9th Jul 2016 - 2:25 pmThank you for validating my life right now. It’s nice to feel like there are other moms out there just like me!
Lauriene
9th Jul 2016 - 2:28 pmMotherhood does have many stages and never really ends , for that I am grateful because now at a age almost 70, I miss the childhood good times and have my lonely times . I love being the “Gammie” and as my grans grow older I love each stage and watch not only the loved grans , but my daughters and good husbands as they grow with their children. I remember how much I learned being the Mom and see it ony daughters . There they are being the great mom, falling apart and picking them selves up, shacking it off, and moving forward . We Moms loose our credits , know nothing during many phrases of our lives. and finally be come smart Moms once again . It is a true circle of life , of a Mom. We do our job of life and pass it on to our children and grans . We live and learn . It never stops . We pray and share God and teach , we are The Mom !
Tammy
9th Jul 2016 - 2:49 pmUm I am a forty-something living the life of a thirty-something, I’m definitely NOT (rested), in fact if I can offer any advice to any twenty-something, I will say have you kids while you’re YOUNG! I had my first at 23, she is now 18. That is how I planned it…but then 11 years later, God’s plan popped up with a whole new family! I now have a 7 and 2 year old. Lord just get me to my fifty-somethings!!!
Dawn
12th Jul 2016 - 10:36 pmso way agree with you there! I was done having kids 9 years ago, or so the dr said. Last year I had another baby – very unexpected. lol. 40 something now. I too am looking to wards my 50s and even more to my 60s.
Rosemary
9th Jul 2016 - 3:15 pmI am 43 with a 17 month old, a 15 year old and a 21 year old and I would not trade these moments for the world. I find that I am enjoying and cherishing EVERY SECOND with my 17 month old because I know how very fast it goes. I cherish the hugs, the giggles, the simple things that fill my heart with everlasting love. It seems all a matter of perspective.
Pat Earehart
9th Jul 2016 - 3:54 pmAs a 60 something I have complete and utter respect for the 30-40 somethings. Most work outside the home at careers chosen in the 20 somethings and then return to mommy hood at 5 or 6:00. It’s hard work and feels thankless sometimes but the unexpected, spontaneous hugs make it all worth the effort. It goes by quickly so stop and savor the moments. Before you know it you’ll be enjoying the hugs and sticky kisses of grandchildren.
Kelly Bay
9th Jul 2016 - 4:03 pmSeriously amazing! Sharing with my girlfriends and blog followers, bring on 40!!!
Sandi Bieber
9th Jul 2016 - 5:33 pmEvery xx-something age of a mother is fraught with its beautiful, endearing, tiring, loving, horrifying, etc. ups and downs. And when you children become parents, you relive them vicariously 🙂 Grandkids are a blessing for enduring, enjoying and surviving all those xx-something years!
LUCY LOVES ME
9th Jul 2016 - 6:14 pmWhat a lovely post and so true and relatable. Im glad my friend sent me this and introduced me to your blog. It’s bloody hard work being a parent and we can’t put ourselves first, but so worth it for the little moments we can often take for granted. This reminds us of all of that! We have to appreciate everything as life is so short. Thanks for sharing Catherine!
Anonymous
9th Jul 2016 - 7:43 pmAt a time of feeling like I don’t have it all together as a thirty something mother… This is what I needed ….. LOVE IT!
mbwest
9th Jul 2016 - 8:21 pmI’ve been a new mom in my 20s, 30s, and late 40s. It’s been interesting being a hybrid gma/mom, with my older kids the same age as my current co-mommies on the playground. I’m thinking I may write a book someday about the changes in parenting and birthing practices I see…mostly it’s a lot harder these days…a lot more commercialized and expectations of perfection seem higher to me now (partly due to Pinterest).
Anonymous
9th Jul 2016 - 9:10 pm